How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
