Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way

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(336): View more from North Carolina

well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement

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(501): View more from Arkansas

He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!

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(315): View more from New York

she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war

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(818): View more from California

10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel

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(425): View more from Washington

I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day

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