you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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