Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
