Will you blow on my dice?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
