I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
