just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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