One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
a search helicopter?!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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