wanna go halves on a baby?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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