I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
