Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
