A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
