So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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