You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize