the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
