Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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