we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
