I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
