I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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