Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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