do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I cut my penus on the lid.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
