Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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