I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
