rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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