Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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