My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
