ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
