some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
