we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
