i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
