you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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