Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
