How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
