i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize