1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
