dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
