My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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