i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
