It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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