Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
