dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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