i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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