Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am puke
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
