She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
