suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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