Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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