Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
