So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
