I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
