I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When are your genitals available?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
