You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
