Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
