Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Alive.
So much puke
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
