I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
