Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize