i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
