pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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