You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
How does one acquire holy water?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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