u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
