My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
