Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
