chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
