im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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