And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
