I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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