I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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