Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
