That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
