I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
