I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
